Physical work or Mental work?

First of all, I apologize for my loooooooong leave of absence. I’ve been working, I swear it, to the point where I couldn’t even entertain the idea of blogging or even Vlogging. I just want to get this book done. I’m not rushing it, I just want to spend every waking moment I have on it so that it can finally be done.

Anyway, Physical work vs Mental work- which is harder?

This question I have been asking myself and everyone around me more frequently these days. Thus far, everyone has said mental work, but I feel like if i accept that answer, then it would be a free pass for me to feel less guilty about my laziness.

But today, I find myself asking, am I really lazy, or is writing this book quite a draining effort that requires the loooooong breaks that I take in between editing and re-writing scenes?

I suspect that I may have come to enjoy this work too much. To the point where it doesn’t even feel like work anymore, so I feel guilty when everyone else around me is slaving away at their physical jobs. So I expect myself to complete 50 pages of pristinely edited work, because of course others work harder while I sit at a desk. So I should at least be able to pull off that much, right?

However the frustration sets in when I find myself only able to produce 10, or if I’m lucky, 15 of those pages on a really good day. The question now arises: Am I really doing the best that I can, or am I just too goddamn lazy?

Today for instance I’ve focused completely on my book, I did not take naps, and yet I still find myself unable to reach my target. I’m seated on my balcony now staring at the words that I have to clean up but I swear to you, it seems as though death would be easier to slip into than these scenes. Don’t get me wrong I love them, I’m staring at them and I want to fix them so bad but my brain keeps telling me that it is done for the day. I literally feel as though working now would be a waste because I am out of the mental ability to go into that scene, and vividly picture exactly what happened, and how it happened. It feels as though I am out of the right words for the day, and that anything I put down now will be mediocre.

I feel bad, but it makes me wonder, should I? Am I too hard on myself? Is this me being lazy or is this really the nature of such a mentally demanding job?

I don’t know. Today I worked until a headache literally forced me to take a break and it was a long one. I feel emotionally drained after a scene, as if I have nothing else inside of my brain and it forces me to take looooooong breaks before I can even begin to edit another scene.

This post is kinda rambly and I apologize, but what do you guys think?

Is Physical work really tougher than mental work, or are all we brain workers just lazy humans?

Annyeong!!! 안녕!!!

Love, OE

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